Nobody prepares you for this part. You’ve been warned about the sleep deprivation, the tantrums, the hard seasons. Nobody mentioned you’d be sitting at a happy event and suddenly turn into a puddle of tears. That moment has a name, and it’s grief in motherhood. It lives right alongside love, and most of us carry it silently because we’ve never been given words for it.
When Joy and Heartbreak Show Up at the Same Time
This past May was a big one for my daughter. Kindergarten graduation. Two front teeth gone. What might’ve been her last dance recital. I sat through all of it with tears pouring down my face, so proud and so heartbroken at once.
Not because anything was wrong. Because everything was right. She’s growing up, and I can’t stop it no matter how much I want to.
Every milestone is joyful AND marks the end of a chapter you never get back. I’ve heard motherhood called the longest breakup of your life. You fall completely in love knowing that one day they’ll leave, and with every new season a slow, quiet letting go happens whether you’re ready or not.
Why We Stuff Grief in Motherhood Down
A lot of us hold this in because we feel like we shouldn’t be sad. The kids are healthy. They’re right there in the next room. So we feel guilty for grieving when everything looks fine from the outside, and we distract ourselves until the feeling passes.
But the grief is real. It’s a real response to losing something that mattered deeply to you. And honestly? The depth of the grief says a lot about the depth of the love.
You aren’t falling apart, friend, and you aren’t being dramatic. You love your kids so much that watching them grow actually hurts sometimes. There’s no shame in that.
The Problem With Always Looking Ahead
Our culture loves to rush us along. You’ll feel better once they’re out of the newborn stage. Just survive the toddler years. Once they’re grown, you’ll get your life back.
I want to push back on that with everything in me. That is a lie from the pit of hell, my friend.
Every season has its challenges, yes. Every season has its gifts too. When we’re always looking ahead, we miss the ordinary moments that one day become the ones we’d give anything to go back to.
Being perfectly present every second isn’t realistic, but awareness is. Slow down enough to notice. Say yes to the moments that feel inconvenient right now: the extra bedtime story when you’re exhausted, the game on the floor you really don’t feel like playing, the long wandering story you’re tempted to hurry along.
Letting Go Takes Real Faith
Underneath this grief there’s something worth naming. Letting go is hard because it reminds us we aren’t in control, and we don’t like that. We can’t slow down time or keep them small.
The truth is, they were never ours to keep in the first place. They’re God’s. We’re their moms, their guides, their safe place, their biggest fans. What we’ve been handed is stewardship, and it takes the kind of faith that trusts God with the people you love most, even when it’s terrifying.
And God knows this grief. He knows what it is to love a child deeply and let go. You can bring Him the joy AND the heartbreak, and He’ll meet you in both.
Ecclesiastes 3 says there’s a season for everything. Your job right now is to pay closer attention to the season you’re in instead of rushing through it.
You Can Hold Both
You don’t have to pick between the joy and the grief. Celebrate the milestone and let yourself feel the ache of the chapter closing. Be proud and sad in the same breath. Be grateful, and be honest that it’s hard. That’s what love looks like in this season.
If you’re also wondering who you’ll be once they don’t need you the way they do now, read Who Am I Beyond Motherhood? next.
The full conversation is waiting for you on Episode 43 of The BAD Mom Show. Press play the next time you’re folding the clothes they’re about to outgrow.
