Okay, real talk for a sec. I had a morning recently I can’t stop thinking about, and something tells me I’m not the only one who’s been here. It taught me how to lament, and I think we all need to hear what happened.
It was my birthday. If you know me, you know I LOVE a good celebration. I’m the girl who’s pumped for the dinner, the phone calls, all of it. So when I woke up feeling heavy and sad for no reason I could name, it totally caught me off guard.
My first instinct? Push it down. Snap out of it. It’s your birthday, why are you being like this? Instead, I felt a little nudge to just sit in it.
We’re So Quick to Shove the Hard Stuff Down
The second a hard feeling shows up, most of us rush to get rid of it. We shame ourselves for it. What’s wrong with me? Everybody else seems fine.
I’d been doing that for a couple of weeks before my birthday too. I kept brushing off this heaviness until I was talking with a friend and randomly burst into tears. She looked at me and said, “I think you just need to lament to the Lord.”
She was right. Those feelings are information. They’re usually pointing to something real that needs our attention.
How to Lament (and What It Isn’t)
So on my birthday morning, alone in my room, I finally let myself lament. I cried. I said the hard things out loud, which matters, because there’s something powerful about giving those feelings a voice. I told God exactly what I was feeling, and I could feel His compassion meeting me right there.
Lamenting is honest. You name what hurts, feel it fully, and bring it to God instead of stuffing it down or pretending it’s not there. Wallowing keeps you stuck in grief forever; lament moves you through it.
If I hadn’t done it, that heaviness would’ve followed me around all day. Letting myself feel it set me free from it.
Conviction vs. Condemnation
This is where it got eye-opening. Some of what came up was legit, honest sadness I needed to sit with. Grief about summer ending. Missing quality time with my sisters who live far away. Even some conviction, like, “Lord, I haven’t been my kindest lately.”
That kind of thing is healthy. Conviction is a gentle correction from God that leads you to repair and turn around.
Then there was this other voice. “You’re such a disappointment. You’re failing everyone. You’re even letting God down.” That, friend, is condemnation, and it does NOT come from God.
Here’s how to tell them apart. Conviction says, “That choice wasn’t great, let’s make it right.” Condemnation says, “You are bad. You are not enough.” One leads you toward healing, and the other wants to bury you in shame.
When I heard that condemning voice on my birthday, it hit me: this is an attack on my peace, my joy, my heart. The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy, and what better day to aim for the heart than your birthday? God gave me clarity to see it for what it was, all because I slowed down and spoke it out.
The Verses That Became My Lifeline
David does this all through the Psalms, and the author of Lamentations does it too. He pours out everything, all the “I’m in a pit and it’s all falling apart” feelings. Then something shifts.
Lamentations 3:21 says, “But this I recall and therefore I have hope.” He remembers the truth about God’s goodness, and it changes everything.
The verses that became my lifeline that morning were Lamentations 3:22-23. Because of the Lord’s mercy we’re not consumed. His compassions never fail. They’re new every single morning. Great is His faithfulness.
That’s the pattern of biblical lament. You let it all out, AND THEN you come back to the truth of who God is and who He says you are. You let Him pull you up and out of the pit.
Grief Is a Bridge to Healing
Grief and lament reveal things you’d never see if you kept rushing past your feelings and numbing out. Growth is uncomfortable, and we mistake that discomfort for something bad, so we avoid it and miss the blessing on the other side.
I could’ve gotten up that morning, shoved it all down, and pretended. Letting myself lament with the Lord gave me clarity, peace, and so much gratitude by the end of it. After the tears, I could see it: my health, my whole family under one roof, this life God has blessed me with.
You Don’t Have to Carry It Alone
After I lamented with God, I also got honest with a couple of trusted friends and my husband. They spoke life over me and reminded me of what’s true when I couldn’t see it myself.
Sometimes we’re so deep in it that we can’t see what others can. We need people who’ll hold space without trying to fix it and get us back on track. That’s exactly why we built The BAD MOM Society.
So if you’ve been feeling heavy and can’t figure out why, let this be your invitation. Get curious. Cry it out. Grab your journal and take it to God, and maybe a trusted friend too. Don’t stay stuck in it, and don’t skip past it either.
If what you’re grieving is a season with your kids, The Grief No One Talks About in Motherhood was written for you.
I go way deeper on Episode 56 of The BAD Mom Show. Save it for a morning you need it.
