Okay. We’re going there today. Sex.
Did that make you tense up? Want to scroll past real quick? I get it. Stay with me, because that discomfort is kind of the whole point. Part 1 of the Summer Sizzler Series on The BAD Mom Show is all about how to talk to your kids about sex, and we start with the part most of us skip: our own stuff.
The Story You Bring Into the Room
All of us carry something around this topic. What we were taught, what we weren’t, how we found out, and who told us (or didn’t).
For a lot of us, it was silence. Maybe a rushed five-minute conversation before school that left you more confused than before. Or maybe sex came wrapped in shame and religious guilt, something dirty and embarrassing that good girls didn’t bring up.
I can relate. It wasn’t a conversation in my house growing up. The one time I remember asking a question as a little girl, I got laughed at and sent away. So I didn’t ask again. That one moment taught me my curiosity was something to be ashamed of, and it stuck way longer than anyone realized.
Whatever your story is, whether silence or shame or confusion or something harder, it’s already in the room when this topic comes up with your kids. It shapes whether you open that conversation or shut it down fast, and whether you answer calmly or freeze completely.
If This Makes You Uncomfortable, Pay Attention
Your body is giving you information. That discomfort points to a place in your story that still needs some tending. Maybe it’s shame that never got dealt with. Maybe something happened to you that you’ve never fully processed.
That doesn’t disqualify you. It just means there’s honest work to do first.
You’re safe now, friend. You’re an adult. Going back to those places with curiosity instead of shame is one of the most powerful things you can do for your kids before you say a single word to them. What we don’t deal with in ourselves gets passed down, in this area like every other.
Start Early and Write a Different Story
What do you want your kids to grow up knowing? How do you want them to feel about their bodies? What kind of trust do you want to build, so that when the hard questions come they come to you first instead of their friends or the internet?
That vision starts now, way before the big talk. You can begin as early as age 2 with simple, age-appropriate language. It’s not a one-time talk. It’s a drip, drip, drip conversation that grows right along with your kids.
If you haven’t started yet, it’s not too late. The American Academy of Pediatrics has helpful guidance for the early years if you want somewhere to begin.
The 3 C’s for When You Talk to Your Kids About Sex
Whatever age your kids are, these three will carry you.
- Calm. Your reaction teaches them how to feel about this topic. If you panic, they learn it’s something to panic about. Take a breath. You’ve got this.
- Curious. When they bring you a question, get curious before you get nervous. Ask what made them think of it, and listen first. Curiosity keeps the door open.
- Consistent. Come back to it again and again and stay available. That’s the trust that makes your 14-year-old choose you over Google.
Questions Worth Sitting With This Week
Journal on these. Bring them to God. Be really honest with yourself.
- Did you get “the talk” growing up? What was that like?
- Was the tone around sex in your home open, shameful, or silent?
- Did you ever feel safe asking your parents about sex or your body?
- Where did you actually learn about sex, and looking back, was it healthy?
- What do you wish someone had told you?
- What do you want your kids to experience differently?
- If your child came to you today with a hard question about sex, what would they get? Calm and curious, or uncomfortable and shut down?
No judgment. That honest look at where you are right now is what helps you show up differently for them.
You Can Do This
Your kids need YOU: present, open, and willing to try, perfect script or not. They need to know no question is too weird or too embarrassing to bring to you. That you won’t laugh at them or send them away.
You get to be that for them, even if nobody was that for you. And it starts with getting honest about your own story first.
When your kids hit the preteen years, the conversation keeps going. Here’s how we handled my son’s 13th birthday and the teen-years talk.
We go so much deeper on Episode 46 of The BAD Mom Show. Listen before the next question catches you in the car line.
